Well, it is me again. I'm not going to lie; this post is not a happy one. Last night, I completely broke down to the very bottom. I was doing really good. I mean I completely found a new group of friends who, with no doubt, I can call true friends. I was starting to look more positively on life. Plus I liked someone, and I figured he liked me too which always makes a girl feel good about herself. With this confidence, I was finally ready to cut the cord between a guy that I had dated and myself. Needless to say, that was unsuccessful. Once again, I am tangled in his web of lies (or truths I'm not really sure), and I don't want to drown again. To make this night even better, that "guy I liked" doesn't like me, but that's fine. My confidence and self-esteem has been shattered. Usually, I am the strong one who never breaks down because her friends need her. However, last night I finally got out every ounce of emotion over every thing that has hurt me since August.
In the midst of my complete breakdown, my best friend Sarah came to my rescue. What was her advice? The same advice I gave her just a month ago when she felt like she would never get better. "We have to love ourselves before we expect any guy to." and "We have so much love to give an individual, and if this guy doesn't want it, he wasn't supposed to have it in the first place." I never thought I would get my words shoved back in my face, and I don't mean that in a bad way! It was almost as if the "strong" me was subliminally comforting the "broken" me.
Sarah also reminded me of some other things I would like to mention. Sometimes we hide ourselves away in homework or our rooms, and we don't even try to go out and meet boys. There are good guys out there, but we have to be willing to go out and look for them. She also told me today as I lay in my bed, numb to the whole world that tomorrow is a new day, and that it would be the change to us letting the presence of a significant other control our happiness. Without her optimism, I would probably still be laying in bed under the covers at 7:30 this evening.
I have decided that I am going to look at this situation as a way to grow. Even though this guy that I used to date is still in my life to a degree which he dictates, I am going to stop relying on him to determine how I feel about myself. With my best friend (and all my girls really) by my side, I am going to better myself, so that I will have a successful relationship whenever God decides that time is right. Along with this, Sarah and I are going to obtain our "swagger," and I can't wait. So today, I might be broken, but tomorrow? It's a new day :)
And a quote, as always. This one is from my favorite movie:
"Tara! Home. I'll go home. And I'll think of some way to get him back. After all... tomorrow is another day." --Gone with the Wind :)
It's always rough when we hit rock bottom. There is never a comforting feeling about that, but you have to know that even though things are bad now, this too shall pass. You have friends who would do anything for you. We are all here to support you every step of the way. And so is God.
ReplyDeleteThere is a song by Sidewalk Prophets called "Words I Would Say", and I don't know if you have heard it, but here is the chorus.
"Be strong in the Lord and
Never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things,
I already know.
God's got his hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear.
Forgive and forget,
but don't forget why you're here.
Take your time and pray.
These are the words I would say."
God does have His hand on you. He is here for you and always will be. So are your friends. I love you, girl. :)
Carol, this is so sweet. I need to go listen to that song because those lyrics are awesome. I love you, too, Carol :)
ReplyDelete